trip to China

In several days, we are going to China and will stay there for a little more than a month. We are so excited about it.

(The above is a piture taken in Shanghai in 2007.)

Suddenly I realize that how much I miss China. It is almost two years since we left China. I also surprise to notice that I have been in Finland so long time. Sometimes I feel China is so far away from me. Here in Finland, my life is on the right track and I enjoy it very much.

These days, I cannot help thinking about our Chinese trip all the time, day and night. I took out the shopping and food list for Chinese trip I have made long time ago. There are so many stuffs I want to buy and so much food I want to eat there. It is interesting to see how I feel when I go back there after living abroad for around two years. My honey says, I will have cultural shock. We’ll see.

I will start to clean and pack at home tomorrow, while my honey is busy with his work.The evening before the trip, we will have a sauna and relax. We need to save some energy for shopping and other stuffs in China.

We are so happy about this trip.

I love you, honey. Good night.

Simple life equals happiness

I noticed that I miss China now when it starts to be cold and dark in Finland. I hope that in the future we can live in China on winter time. It is not so surprising to notice that life in there is not as stressful as in Finland. My own society gives much more pressure to me.

When I was in China and living in a village, I noticed that there were many happy people. That made me very happy also; seeing some family eating and laughing together in some small hardware store and kids running around with happy face. I always looked at there when walking by, seeing three generations doing stuff together. I saw some motorbike taxi guys talking together and joking around, sometimes someone stopped by and participated on discussion. Often I saw some local kids who were happily playing together with sticks and stones. Once when I walked by, some little girl whispered to another; this foreigner speaks Mandarin. She was the girl from small grocery store where I went often to buy some small things. Her parents and grandpa takes care of the shop.

I also remember one couple from another city which still makes me happy. They kept a small grocery store together. I often saw them cooking and bustling together and talking happily. Sometimes they watched a tiny TV together being close to each others. They always looked so match and harmonic couple. I often thought that it would be so great that someday I could get something what they have.

It is said that in China people are under pressure because they need to succeed in school and work. This is truth, but I also see another side. Many people live a “simple life” and that seem to make them happy. I suppose that happiness is our goal in life?

Career people in China do not look so happy, they look worried. They are very subtle and do not trust anyone. Business in China is very hard and competition is bloody and unfair. So, why they are doing it? They are reaching toward American capitalist dream, to become rich, it equals happiness.

Especially in China people are in high spirit to gain richness. No matter what is the price what they pay. It is natural that there are more and more super rich people in China. They have not only abandoned Chinese way of living and Confusian ideas but also the Chinese people. Now money talks.

I know that being too poor makes you suffer and desperate, too poor people are unhappy. But rich people are also unhappy: poor allocation of money makes super rich people scare and live isolated life in their big houses. They have to scare poor people. That is the price what you need to pay for this huge gap in wealth. So what could we do? If we would share money more equally, everyone could manage pretty well and society would be safer.

Sometimes I wish that someone reminds people that money and career is not so important. Forget the American dream; it is not worth of it. Furthermore, it is not equal at all; some group of people always produce this money for some single person. Of course you can hear popular saying: everyone can do it, that is freedom and liberty. I respect equality more.

What I should learn? I should not put myself under pressure all the time and not try too much to gain better career or much of money. Simple life gives me happiness. That is what I experienced in China and that is why I miss there, not because it is cold in here.

Cultural diversity

This is the first article to rise up some ideas about cultural diversity. Concerning this topic, you could write a book and even then you cannot tell everything.

It is quite common these days that people make cross-border marriages. Even though it is quite challenging, I can tell from my experience. Cultural differences are sometimes funny and make relationship more colourful but there are also some challenges what couple will meet. At first, some people are biased about international marriage and other cultures. They think that there must be some other reasons than love why this couple is together, especially if your wife is pretty and from Asia.

Some Thai-girls have also ruined quite much of Asian reputation. Usually Europeans are lack of knowledge concerning Asia and they know only bad things. This is of course related on the way how media works. Bad news is much more valuable on media when good news is not worth of mention. This is global problem… even there is some discussion that BBC or European media is intentionally making bad news to ruin Chinese or Asia’s reputation. This is another cultural difference. Chinese are very sensitive what people talk and their culture are not get used to say things straightforward or raise the problem directly on discussion. So, there are big problems what couple meet, European media always write more about bad things and Chinese feel it insulting. They want to be proud of their country and want to talk more about good things – this is Chinese way. Of course this effect on people’s thinking. European hears so many bad news from China and Chinese do not like the way how their country is presented in Europe.

 It is Chinese themselves that need to change their image and improve their reputation. No one else can do it. Of course it is sad that Europeans are so lack of knowledge, but this is because China has been so isolated. Europeans always say: “in China they eat dogs”. This is what you hear sooner or later. I often find myself defending China and explaining about Chinese culture, even I am not Chinese and even I do not like Chinese nationalism so much. I just want people being fair. There are problems in both sides and there is no need to accuse each others. 

Okey, let’s talk more about cultural differences. Chinese culture is very different comparing European’s. Sometimes it is obvious, sometimes it is hard to be noticed. Obvious things are easy because you notice the differences and then it is easy to handle. Things which are not so obvious cause more problems. Different ways of expression and saying may lead misunderstandings. After all it might be hard to analyze what is the problem. There are some fundamental things what we have found out.

-         Europeans are more independent

-         Chinese take others on account better than Europeans

-         Chinese doesn’t make so much “noise” about themselves

-         Chinese have “nationalism disorder” (not so capable to hear critics)

Europeans do things individually and does not rely on others. In China people rely more on others especially woman. On the other hand Europeans are quite disabled to live a social life when comparing Chinese. I think this is one of the best features concerning Chinese. Europeans often think their own interest when Chinese think others (this does not work when people need to wait and stand in line). This can be seen almost every time when Chinese and Europeans do something together. I really shame Europeans about this feature.

Chinese are quite sensitive to talk good things about themselves. They often appraise others and do not mention how well things are going themselves. Europeans are really handicap to think others or being humble. I do not even want to compare on Americans. I really try to improve myself on this. Chinese really can make you feel comfortable when Europeans talk so much about themselves.

But I have to say, Chinese are sometimes too humble and take European talk wrong way. This is partly just different way on expression. It is not so obvious that European’s just wanted to appraise them selves. It is way of talking. They do not think that mentioning about good education or good job is not so good thing to do in Chinese eyes. Mentioning that: “Oh, I got so good job and I am very happy with my wife” is too much in Chinese culture. And if someone asks about it and you need to tell, it is better to appraise other people immediately after this. Sometimes I forget this and maybe Chinese think that I am thinking myself and do not take others on account.

In Chinese culture it is better to say some small faults of your husband. Good topics are: “He is lazy and does not learn Chinese so well” or “He is not so interested to cook or do housework”. I am not sure yet does it work when you talk about your wife. There might be different rules on this…

Okey, what about Chinese nationalism? It is quite complicated topic and related on issue what I already write about. First, Chinese are sensitive about their country. This is good to keep in mind when you are in China. Chinese who has been longer time in Europe are different on this. They have different eyes. Of course European’s are not so discreet if they mention this dog thing and human rights at the first beginning. Chinese think that China is mighty and great power in the world. China will become number one is very common talk. Before that China have to change a much and create things what does not work yet. In this part Chinese talk is far a way from humble.

 Sooner or later you get a very innocent sounding question: “What you think about China”. I often appraise a food and Chinese socially oriented culture. Then I add that “there are some problems also, but China has made a great progress”. This seems to work pretty well. No need to mention concrete problems. People know the problems and they are not ready to talk about it. Chinese are also thinking that it is not good that Europeans try to involve on their things. I know European are very good to give advice and not so capable to concentrate on listening. This is big difference between Chinese and European. We like to talk about problem and try to solve it, Chinese do not – they have different way to handle it.

Some bad talk

I think it is good to write it down, some bad talk about me after I tell my friends that I got married with my Finnish boyfriend.

The other day, my friend G told me something which really make me sad for a while. Another friend told to G and the others that she thought I planned my marriage thing for economical or other bad reasons.

She added this about me: “She is that kind of person who plans to do something and she will try her best to make it come true. Finland is very far away from the center of the world, kind of uncultivated country. She will suffer there in the following years…”

She creates this kind of story about me and spreads it to our old junior high classmates. She told this to my friends when she was – after 5 long immigration years in U.S. – visiting in China.

My friend G advised me not to tell anything to this “friend” any more, because she said this person had changed quite much after living in United States and she was no longer our good friend as in the junior high. I replied, I know her well, she is very straight forward and she doesn’t mean to hurt me. I think she just fells jealous about me.When I told my friends that I had got married, I was sharing my happiness with them and I didn’t expect any judgement about my marriage. I wonder do they know how inappropriate it is. Sometimes I think do they just want to hurt me?I analyzed the reasons why this kind of bad talks came out of her mouth.

The first thing which came to my mind… When she went to United States I did support her and told that I admired her by telling that she could explore the world. I encouraged her to learn languages and make her life better. Still, I would not find a foreign husband because I like to understand and learn more about different cultures. Maybe she wanted to take my encouragement wrong way.

Second, she doesn’t know so much about western culture, Finland and the world. In her opinion, Finland is kind of outdated and rural country. She just compares me with her and her family. Last time when we talked in the phone and she told me that her parents worked very hard in a Chinese restaurant from morning till night. “They need to study English after work which equals to asking them to die” she told me. She and her family do not have good education background, and maybe that is one reason why they have suffered so much after immigration. Maybe they do not know the local culture either; their pure Chinese society is quite isolated in China town. After all, I have a way different situation. My husband is Finnish and knows well local culture and society. My education and working experience gives a lot of options in here and we have no problems economically. We have much of free time and I have nothing to suffer. Both of us are happy.

Third, she feels jealous about me. Finland is much safer and more beautiful than where she is living, China Town in Brooklyn, New York. I did need to explain quite much before she understood the fundamental difference between China Town and Finland. At first she thought that here was very dangerous because of much of forest and nature. Well, there is nothing to scare and living in Finland is maybe one of the safest places to stay. Maybe thinking is based on idea, where people assume, that walking in side-path or place where are not so many people around is very dangerous. In unsafe country you should avoid this, but not in Finland. 

What’s more, she said: ”Here, China town is full of Chinese, and it is very dirty. People just throw the garbage in the streets”. There is quite big difference between environments where we are living.

Maybe she also became jealous when she found out that I had studied two years of French language and I had no communication problems with English. What is more, I had already learned quite much about Finnish language after spending little more than two months here. While she still cannot manage so well with English in United States – after living there around 5 years, – I am already learning Finnish here. And maybe because she cannot stand that my husband is well educated, handsome and has a good job.

She is not so open-minded to accept the international marriage. Maybe she doesn’t know that nowadays international marriage is quite common all over the world. Maybe she has heard so much negative things concerning international marriage. Maybe she should find a foreign guy and then it would be easier to understand the country where she is living. Maybe…

Of course, I felt disappointed after knowing she, my friend, said this kind of bad things about me and maybe she had ruined my reputation among my old classmates. By the way, how my marriage has to do with her? Maybe friend G was right, this friend has really changed quite much and she is not our good friend as before.

Besides this friend, some Chinese people are also trying to say something bad about others, especially concerning international marriage. This is common even they do not know so much about it. I think this kind of people should learn more about different cultures and get some education.

Though there is this kind of bad talk around me, I need to say that it doesn’t bother me any more. My husband and I have gone through much of difficulties. Why we should let others opinion effect our life? We are very happy together.

Congratulations to our blog!!!

This is our blog, me Dolores and my husband Jean. We feel quite excited about it. We think this blog is a good place for us to write down our daily thinking and life.

Congratuations to Finn-Sino eyes!!!